life worth the struggle

100 Reasons to Stay Alive~Just a friendly reminder in case you had forgotten all of the wonderful little things that makes life worth the struggle

Stay Strong; You're not alone (♥)

" if you ever felt alone, if you ever felt rejected, if you ever felt confused, if you ever felt lost, if you ever felt anxious, if you ever felt wrong, if you ever felt wronged, if you ever felt unclean, if you ever felt angry, if you ever felt ashamed, if you ever felt curious, if you ever felt used. " - My Chemical Romance.

Know you're not alone.

I bet most of the time you wonder, why your life is so meaningless, why doesn't anybody like you or share your interests, why you are neglected and ignored, why you are so worthless, why you're made fun of, why you are abused, why you self harm, why you are suicidal, why you are alienated, why you have no friends, why you are so empty .. 

Firstly, YOU ARE A UNIQUE PERSON and you're beautiful. Yes, yes you are. The outside is just an empty shell, what matters is what is on the inside, that's the real you, that's where your beauty really lies. 

Secondly, you're not alone. All those feelings you have, all those problems and depression and self harm or whatever you're going through. Please remember, it's not just you. There are thousands maybe millions of teenagers suffering what you're going through. And I'm one of them. I've been suffering from major depressive disorder for two years now, i had this one friend i lost because of other kids telling her how she should stop talking to me because i'm weird and a loser. Every day my mom screams at me and hits me for practically no reason. I self harm, I even have suicidal thoughts now and then. I'm even writing this at my aunt's house because my mom kicked me out. She simply said she doesn't want me anymore. But I'm not letting that affect me, I am fighting.

I said this to make you know, that you're not the only one suffering. 

I know that "Life gets better and you'll be okay" sounds as a lie to you all of the time, but if you don't fight to make those words come true, then you have nothing. No matter how shitty and fucked up your life is, it does get better only if you fight.  

Remember that you have friends and family, try to be open and talk out what's bothering you to the most person you know who won't judge you or hurt you. Those people can make the healing process 100% more easier. Talk to a friend you trust or a family member and if you have no person to go to, counselling always helps. I started going to sessions two days ago and talked everything out and it made me feel so much better, just letting all the negative emotions and thoughts suppressed inside fly out. 

" I promise you, I felt so hopeless and I know you do too, but I promise you guys a thousand times, that recovery is really possible, you can get through this, you can over come it whatever your issue may be. "

fucking forget the haters. You see, some people, this fucked up society they want you dead. They want you to give up and hurt yourself  because some of them are cruel with no heart. They're the type of people that feed on others' suffering and misery, but in the end they achieve nothing. Because hate never gets you anywhere and if you hurt yourself you're just losing to them and they'll simply move to somebody else to torture when you break down. So don't. Stay strong and keep your head up so the crown won't fall and walk forward, because I believe you can do anything. 

And one of the biggest evidence that life gets better are idols. Those people who we look up too. Just think about it, stop whatever you're doing for a moment and think, why are they your idols? Why do they mean so much to you? Why do you look up to them so much? And i'm sure 80% would say the same thing.

"They had the same past, same problems and they made it through." or "They achieved what i'm trying to achiever or who i wanna be in the future." And that gives you hope to move along, and push through everything to become like them. 

Some of my idols that's inspired me to be the strong person I am today are Vic Fuentes, Austin Carlile, Oli Sykes, Kellin Quinn, Chris Motionless even Eminem. They all went through shit from self harm to bullying to losing a loved one to not being accepted to have a broken home to anxiety attacks to drugs, everything! 

But look at them now.  They didn't give up to their circumstances, they battled against them and won, they used all that sadness and anger and hurt and suffering into creating something beautiful. Art. 

They dropped the blade and picked up the pen. And just from this simple decision, they changed the life of millions.

There are so many things you can look up to and admire that'll give you the strength you need and in the process. You have to convince yourself to stay positive and push away all the negative. That's the only way you'll succeed. 

I'm crossing my fingers for all of you, because you're all special and unique people who have a great life ahead of you and I know you have the will within you. (♥) 

Poems

I wrote those two poems out of severe depression. I barely made out the words, being German is difficult. I just tried to express how I feel through words as much as i could, since no one knows how I feel and i'm so tired of suppressing my emotions.

The Kingdom                                     She's the girl         

She's living in a rainbow                                                  She's the girl at the back of the class

in a high towered castle                                                   she's the girl drowned in black

dressed in diamonds                                                        she's the girl that never talks

and fed with joy                                                               picking up her backpack

                                                                                       and heading home

A beautiful queen

with a golden crown                                                         She doesn't say a word 

sitting on a throne                                                             as she walks to her room

and spreading smiles                                                        straight to her drawer 

                                                                                        where death lies

She starts to hear whispers

coming from behind                                                         A friend with razor-sharp teeth

her walls begin to shake                                                   soothes her skin

and the castle goes crashing down                                    they laugh as she cuts her skin

                                                                                       praying for the end,
                                                                                       her tears stream down
Her dress is torn                                                                 

her shoes are soaked                                                       She hears them talking about her

she's in a darkroom                                                          behind those walls that close in

there's no one left around                                                 they're the only ones
                                                                                       who knew her story 

                                                                                       she's the girl who's screaming inside

The sharp voice screams at her                                        picking up bags of hate

her walls are breaking down                                            every single day

she can no longer fight

it's hard to stay on track                                                   Her emotions claw at the exit

                                                                                        she can no longer bare anymore

She digs her grave                                                            like a tiger that grabs its prey 

and runs the sharp teeth                                                    her thoughts take the best of her

across her skin

                                                                                        Picking up her only friend

The queen has died                                                           making the way across her neck

the grief is back                                                                the razor blade saved her

death has killed this kingdom                                              

And now it's tracing another...                                          blood pours down her chest

                                                                                       it's over now

... Ready for the kill.                                                        no more pain to go...

                                                                                        

                                                                                        ... Now she only hopes to be missed.

                                                                                                                                                                      

SUPPORT GROUP

I know that some of you are suffering from self harm, suicidal attempts and/or thoughts, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, self hate and other problems.. I want to help every single one of you. 

SELF HARM

I'm a self harmer and I know how hard it is to stop, because it's an addiction. Recovery is so hard, but believe me, its worth it. You can learn to be happy and pain free as time goes by, because I believe in you all and I know you're all strong. 

Self harm alternatives and tips

Try the butterfly method. When you have the urge to cut, draw a butterfly where you want to harm yourself and name it after a loved one, or someone that wants you to get better. If you cut, the butterfly dies. You have to wash it off. If it wears off (and you didn't cut), it is released into the wild to be free. Congratulations -- you made it Another idea is the pen method. Grab a red pen and draw lines (or squiggles or peace signs or whatever floats your goat) all over where'd you cut. When you're done, count the lines. That's how many scars you won't have. 

Carry pictures of your friends and families, look at them whenever you think of harming yourself and say that, the people you will be hurting wont just be you... it will be the people in the pictures as well.

Take a picture of yourself, then print it out. Take a lighter and burn it, when you do this, you're burning the old you and starting a new you.

No matter how hard it may seem, talk to your best friend about it. When you feel like you need to cut again, call them and ask them for an idea to keep your mind off if it, or maybe just talking to them will help. Always believe in yourself. You are an amazing person and don't deserve it. Stay strong and think about people that do love you instead of people that may have bullied you.

SUICIDE

I've tried to kill myself too many times, and failed all times. If one of my Slothticles died, I'd be beyond devastated.. because we're a family now. If you ever feel suicidal then promise to talk to someone, me, your friends anyone. Theres always a reason to live.. 

IF YOUR HEROES ARE STILL HERE, THEN YOU CAN BE AS STRONG AS THEM...

You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

EATING DISORDERS

YOU, are enough.. being skinny means nothing. Infact, you're just ruining your body. You're making yourself unhealthy.. maybe you'll think you'll be beautiful and thin but your body will break down. I LOVE YOU HOW YOU ARE <3

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GAINING?!

What do eating disorders make you do?

The two most common types are:

anorexia nervosa - This involves starving the body to an unhealthily low weight. Our hair can fall out. Our bones get thin. Our nails get brittle. Our periods may stop. Dark downy hair can start growing on our arms. Such a bad look. Worst of all, we feel miserable.

bulimia nervosa - This involves bingeing food. This means stuffing in food in a fast, helpless way. Then vomiting after eating. Or taking laxatives (pills that make you poo more) to try to lose weight. Our teeth start to rot. And we feel miserable.

HOTLINES

Wrist Cutter

*TRIGGER WARNING; DON'T CONTINUE IF YOU'RE TRIGGERED  EASILY I don't wanna be responsible for anyone's harm*



So..
I wrote this poem when I was depressed.. The day my mom hated me and told me how worthless I am. That I'm mental and I always depress myself.. I did cut that day, but I managed to stop myself from going far too deep and picked up the pen. This is my first poem actually, so it might not be that great. But emotions flowed inside me and that's what I came up with.

Wrist Cutter

The blade dances on her skin 

As shivers creep down her spine

Left alone on the cold damp floor

She struggles with her own thoughts

Everyday she promises to stop

Until crimson blood flows down her wrists

And she realizes what she's done.

The blade seems to be her only friend

What a waste of good clean wrists

She looks in the mirror and cries

Cursing everything that comes to her mind 

Looking forward to the day

That she finally dies

The pain she feels she can no longer hide 

She trusts so easily when people promise

To end up knowing

That promises are lies

Everybody leaves...

She feels unloved unwanted

She cries endless times a day

Holding the blade 

Waiting for the worst to come

And does what she does every single day

She slits her skin

One day she tries to stop

Only to find a black shadow

Hovering over her

Poisoning her thoughts

He crashes her to the wall

Yelling at her beating her up

Urging her to listen to that small voice

That sweet sharp voice

Calling her... Begging her not to leave

She gives in and listens 

Picking up her blade

Who seems to be her only friend

And she slits her skin

She asks him 

He who towers above her

"Am I beautiful now?"

He strokes her hair gently

And tells her she did good

but she's better off dead

Thoughts creep into her mind

Taking control of her hand

What's the point of living 

If there's nothing to live for?

Now it's too late

That girl died

They found her on her bed

Her throat slit every which way

She didn't deserve to die they said

Lies. The walls screamed

You left her, you never cared

"Stop hurting yourself!" 

That's all you ever say

Now it's too late that girl died

She flitted straight up

to where no one could touch her

I guess when you live in hell

Heaven always wins.

that's all.. I hope you enjoyed reading. Thanks for the views!

Dear Suicidal..

Dear Suicidal,

I know how you feel, from the bottom of my heart. I've been there, a suicidal, but my friend's death opened my eyes when she took her own life, 3 years ago. I now know that life is worth it..

I know you question this all the time. "Is life really worth it? Am I just a waste of space? Is it worth existing even though you wanna disappear? Is it worth it when all you can think of is locking yourself in your room and hurting yourself over and over again?" .. I know it's hard to believe, but yes, it's worth it. 

You my friend are worth it. So throw away your razor blade and fight against the temptation. I need you to fight, please. Every time I hear about someone suiciding my heart breaks into million pieces..No one deserves to end their lives. No matter how dark or bad it is. 

Why won't you understand, that there is a bright side. There is, I promise, it's right there, all you have to do is look. No matter how much darkness is surrounding you..

And cutting won't help..Those scars will haunt you every time you look at them. They'll never leave your skin. At the end, all they'll do is remind you how miserable your life used to be. You shouldn't feel like you have to mutilate your skin every time you get upset. You're stronger than this, I know you are. I don't want you hurting yourself ever again. I know you think you're worthless, but you're not. You were brought into this life for a purpose. And you have to be strong. Don't let anyone trigger you into harming yourself or killing yourself....You can stop all this mess.

Yes, yes you can. I believe in you. You don't deserve to be hurt like this. Protect your body..Each one of you is an amazing human being that deserves to be happy, and it's up to you. Because in the end, you're the one to decide whether you wanna be happy or depressed. Suicidal or a warrior.

So please, don't hurt yourself..And know that I at least care about you so much..

( I wish I'd got a chance to say this to you, Alex..I'm not mad at you anymore..I love you so much and I will never forget you.)

Note: After what happened to Alex, I kept the razor blade I took from her the days she used to cut, and attached it to a chain. A part of her is still with me and I will hold on to it for many years to come...