Stay Strong; You're not alone (♥)

" if you ever felt alone, if you ever felt rejected, if you ever felt confused, if you ever felt lost, if you ever felt anxious, if you ever felt wrong, if you ever felt wronged, if you ever felt unclean, if you ever felt angry, if you ever felt ashamed, if you ever felt curious, if you ever felt used. " - My Chemical Romance.

Know you're not alone.

I bet most of the time you wonder, why your life is so meaningless, why doesn't anybody like you or share your interests, why you are neglected and ignored, why you are so worthless, why you're made fun of, why you are abused, why you self harm, why you are suicidal, why you are alienated, why you have no friends, why you are so empty .. 

Firstly, YOU ARE A UNIQUE PERSON and you're beautiful. Yes, yes you are. The outside is just an empty shell, what matters is what is on the inside, that's the real you, that's where your beauty really lies. 

Secondly, you're not alone. All those feelings you have, all those problems and depression and self harm or whatever you're going through. Please remember, it's not just you. There are thousands maybe millions of teenagers suffering what you're going through. And I'm one of them. I've been suffering from major depressive disorder for two years now, i had this one friend i lost because of other kids telling her how she should stop talking to me because i'm weird and a loser. Every day my mom screams at me and hits me for practically no reason. I self harm, I even have suicidal thoughts now and then. I'm even writing this at my aunt's house because my mom kicked me out. She simply said she doesn't want me anymore. But I'm not letting that affect me, I am fighting.

I said this to make you know, that you're not the only one suffering. 

I know that "Life gets better and you'll be okay" sounds as a lie to you all of the time, but if you don't fight to make those words come true, then you have nothing. No matter how shitty and fucked up your life is, it does get better only if you fight.  

Remember that you have friends and family, try to be open and talk out what's bothering you to the most person you know who won't judge you or hurt you. Those people can make the healing process 100% more easier. Talk to a friend you trust or a family member and if you have no person to go to, counselling always helps. I started going to sessions two days ago and talked everything out and it made me feel so much better, just letting all the negative emotions and thoughts suppressed inside fly out. 

" I promise you, I felt so hopeless and I know you do too, but I promise you guys a thousand times, that recovery is really possible, you can get through this, you can over come it whatever your issue may be. "

fucking forget the haters. You see, some people, this fucked up society they want you dead. They want you to give up and hurt yourself  because some of them are cruel with no heart. They're the type of people that feed on others' suffering and misery, but in the end they achieve nothing. Because hate never gets you anywhere and if you hurt yourself you're just losing to them and they'll simply move to somebody else to torture when you break down. So don't. Stay strong and keep your head up so the crown won't fall and walk forward, because I believe you can do anything. 

And one of the biggest evidence that life gets better are idols. Those people who we look up too. Just think about it, stop whatever you're doing for a moment and think, why are they your idols? Why do they mean so much to you? Why do you look up to them so much? And i'm sure 80% would say the same thing.

"They had the same past, same problems and they made it through." or "They achieved what i'm trying to achiever or who i wanna be in the future." And that gives you hope to move along, and push through everything to become like them. 

Some of my idols that's inspired me to be the strong person I am today are Vic Fuentes, Austin Carlile, Oli Sykes, Kellin Quinn, Chris Motionless even Eminem. They all went through shit from self harm to bullying to losing a loved one to not being accepted to have a broken home to anxiety attacks to drugs, everything! 

But look at them now.  They didn't give up to their circumstances, they battled against them and won, they used all that sadness and anger and hurt and suffering into creating something beautiful. Art. 

They dropped the blade and picked up the pen. And just from this simple decision, they changed the life of millions.

There are so many things you can look up to and admire that'll give you the strength you need and in the process. You have to convince yourself to stay positive and push away all the negative. That's the only way you'll succeed. 

I'm crossing my fingers for all of you, because you're all special and unique people who have a great life ahead of you and I know you have the will within you. (♥) 

Dear Suicidal..

Dear Suicidal,

I know how you feel, from the bottom of my heart. I've been there, a suicidal, but my friend's death opened my eyes when she took her own life, 3 years ago. I now know that life is worth it..

I know you question this all the time. "Is life really worth it? Am I just a waste of space? Is it worth existing even though you wanna disappear? Is it worth it when all you can think of is locking yourself in your room and hurting yourself over and over again?" .. I know it's hard to believe, but yes, it's worth it. 

You my friend are worth it. So throw away your razor blade and fight against the temptation. I need you to fight, please. Every time I hear about someone suiciding my heart breaks into million pieces..No one deserves to end their lives. No matter how dark or bad it is. 

Why won't you understand, that there is a bright side. There is, I promise, it's right there, all you have to do is look. No matter how much darkness is surrounding you..

And cutting won't help..Those scars will haunt you every time you look at them. They'll never leave your skin. At the end, all they'll do is remind you how miserable your life used to be. You shouldn't feel like you have to mutilate your skin every time you get upset. You're stronger than this, I know you are. I don't want you hurting yourself ever again. I know you think you're worthless, but you're not. You were brought into this life for a purpose. And you have to be strong. Don't let anyone trigger you into harming yourself or killing yourself....You can stop all this mess.

Yes, yes you can. I believe in you. You don't deserve to be hurt like this. Protect your body..Each one of you is an amazing human being that deserves to be happy, and it's up to you. Because in the end, you're the one to decide whether you wanna be happy or depressed. Suicidal or a warrior.

So please, don't hurt yourself..And know that I at least care about you so much..

( I wish I'd got a chance to say this to you, Alex..I'm not mad at you anymore..I love you so much and I will never forget you.)

Note: After what happened to Alex, I kept the razor blade I took from her the days she used to cut, and attached it to a chain. A part of her is still with me and I will hold on to it for many years to come...